Princess Celestia's 12 Inch Boner
by Lavasharks
Summary: I apologize in advance for what you're about to read. Made for Brohoof'd and Toxic Ink.


**For Toxic Ink and Brohoof'd~**

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><p>There were rumors that Celestia's boner was one the greatest boners Equestria has ever seen. Many wanted to see it, but very few had seen it in action. This rumor is what drove Twilight to walk to her mentor's castle in anticipation for such a marvel.<p>

She couldn't bring Spike. He was asleep, but even so, she had to see it. SHE HAD TO. SHE WAS DETERMINED.

It took her half an hour to walk to the castle. She could teleport, her mentor could already be asleep, or in the middle of something. Twilight always walked there because of formality.

Arriving at the castle gates, she was met with royal guards. They already knew her, however routine was still necessary. They blocked her path.

"State your business." said a guard.

"I uh... wanna see... _her boner_." said an embarrassed Twilight.

The royal guards nodded. Who the hell didn't wanna see the Princess' boner? It was truly a sight to behold.

Taking five minutes to reach the top, Twilight knocked on Celestia's bedroom door quietly. She had only been here once before, but she couldn't remember what for.

"Come in." said Celestia.

Twilight was met with Princess Celestia reading a scroll. She had reading glasses on even though she didn't need them, and she smiled when she saw Twilight.

"Greetings, my faithful student. What brings you here?"

Twilight responded even more nervous than before. "C-can I see y-your _twelve inch b-boner_? I heard it w-was awesome..."

The princess was taken aback by the question. Indeed it was a sight to behold, however Twilight was never so... forward.

"...Okay, fine..."

Twilight jumped up and down and squeaked with joy. "Yay! I finally get to see my teacher's boner!"

"But..."

Twilight stopped. "But?"

"I don't feel like whipping it out right now, I'm quite tired. If you want, I can get Luna to-"

"No! I wanna see YOURS."

Her teacher sighed. "Tomorrow in Ponyville. All shall see it."

Twilight was in shock. "O-okay! I'll tell my friends!"

Twilight teleported to Sugarcube Corner and knocked eagerly. Mrs. Cake opened the door with baggy eyes.

"Good evening Twilight. What brings you by?"

"I need to speak with Pinkie! It's important!"

Mrs. Cake blinked twice in confusion. "Uh, okay. One second..."

After awhile, Pinkie came to the door with a happy look, as usual.

"Hey Twilight! What's up?"

"Tell everypony in Ponyville to prepare tomorrow! Celestia's going to show us her boner!"

"OH MY CELESTIA, YES. ALL MY BITS."

And so Twilight slept soundly while Pinkie Pie told everypony in Ponyville about such a marvel. Applejack was shocked. Rainbow Dash wanted to see it very much. Fluttershy was nervous, yet also wanted to see. _Rarity said she'd see the boner only if she could hold it._

The day ended and the next day began. Princess Celestia was already on stage to show her boner to everypony in Ponyville. After all, it was a sight to behold.

"Are you ponies ready?" She yelled.

The crowd roared.

"BRING IT!" yelled Rainbow Dash.

"Yay!" whispered Fluttershy.

"Eeyup." said Big Macintosh.

"Alright, you asked for it!" said the Princess with a wry smile.

Princess Celestia used magic to levitate her _twelve inch boning knife_ so everypony could see. The crowd cheered even louder, except Rainbow Dash and Rarity, who were confused.

Celestia rotated the long boning knife so everypony could get a good look at it. It WAS a sight to behold. Although a knife, it was diamond encrusted and had "Old Reliable" written in gold.

"It's longer than mine!" said Big Macintosh.

"Goodness! I've never seen such a professional looking boner!" marveled Mayor Mare.

"I MUST HOLD IT." yelled Octavia. "ME FIRST!" screamed Vinyl Scratch.

Twilight was crying tears of joy. She finally got to see her teacher's boner, and it was awesome!

Rainbow Dash turned to Rarity. "Wait so... it's NOT a..."

"I'm just as surprised as you are, dahling."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders had only seen Big Mac's boner, as well as Braeburn's and Mr. Cake's.

Celestia has them beat by a long shot.

"Now then," said a smirking Celestia. "Who shall have the honor of holding it this year?"

After extensive voting, Twilight eventually got ahold of it, and shook it around to make sure it was real. It was a freakin' sight to behold.

"Finally!" she yelled to the heavens.

"Trixie must admit, it's quite long." said Trixie in the audience.

"Oh man," said Lyra, "The fun me and Bonnie can have with that thing."

"PONIES DON'T EAT FISH!" said a disgruntled Rainbow Dash. "Forget it, I'm going home."

"Rainbow Dash," said Celestia. "Would you like to hold my twelve inch boner?"

"Do you even **hear** yourself?"

"You mean you don't want to hold your best friend's teacher's boner in your hooves right now. That's what you're saying."

"Ugh... You sound so... Unlike yourself."

"_And here I thought you were awesome..._"

That was it. That was the access code. Rainbow Dash flew up to the stage and swiped the large knife from Twilight's grip. She ran her hooves along the edge of it, and saw it gleam in the sunlight. She even licked it to taste the diamonds. A small smile crept upon her face.

"Heheh... Princess, you got a pretty nice boner..."

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><p><strong>Author's Note: I'm so sorry. I'll go sit in the corner now.<strong>


End file.
